...And Home Again

The sun has set on my trip and I'm home once again.  Transitioning to being home again has been difficult for a few reasons.  The first, most obviously, is that I had jet lag.  It took over a week for me to start to feel back to normal again, but at least I know for future trips what to expect.  The most difficult thing has been how quiet things have been since I've been back.  I went from being with people 24/7 for 17 days (counting the airports and traveling) to being with my mom first, and now alone with my dogs.  I'm thankful that I was with my mom until after Christmas, otherwise I think the transition would have been more difficult.  I've recognized that I'm a true extrovert; I get a great deal of energy and inspiration from being around people.  That doesn't mean I don't appreciate my alone time (on day 13 I was happy to spend the day sleeping and only seeing my roommate and one other friend), but for the most part I'm less energetic when I've been alone for long periods of time.  I also miss having people to talk to on a daily basis.  I enjoyed being able to explore a wide variety of topics  and different perspectives.  I've found myself checking my social media much more than usual and posting more than usual, and I realize that it's because I'm feeling a bit lonely now that it's just me.  At the same time, the solitude gives me a lot of time to think about what I've seen, what I've experienced, and what I'd like to do next, so I'm grateful for that.

I found community in South Africa in a way I never would have expected.  I went into this trip with a lot of trepidation about my classmates and our obvious differences, as well as a little concern about how my South African counterparts would perceive me.  With the trip now in the rearview, I can say that most of my concern was unfounded.  I enjoyed my classmates, even though we didn't initially all see eye-to-eye, but more than that, I found myself accepted and welcomed by my new South African friends as a family member.  I love how comfortable I felt around them, and the comfort levels seemed very much mutual.  I felt free to ask questions and have discussions, I began learning isiXhosa (very poorly at first, but I'm getting better), and I got to enjoy the vibe of a group of people with whom I share a great deal of common ground.  I simultaneously left a piece of myself in Cape Town, and found pieces of myself at the same time.  I will never be able to accurately describe the feeling of meeting myself on another continent, my music, my craft, my hobbies, and my community.  I'm a different person after this trip, a better, more vulnerable, and more inspired version of myself.  I've experienced beauty, sisterhood, and patience in new ways, and I've had my already open mind broadened even more.  I miss Cape Town every day, and I miss my friends/family there.  It hurts being away from people I love and have forged strong connections with, and I'm committed to returning as soon as possible.

I had freedom and vulnerability in South Africa that I rarely experience in the U.S.  Here I find I have to manage others' expectations and reactions to me, and doing so exhausts me so much that I tend to repress many of my emotions.  I rarely show fear, sadness, joy, or weakness/discomfort.  Being able to express a full range of emotions without being judged or questioned, and indeed receiving confirmation, validation, and support of my thoughts and feelings, is a major reason why I was able to feel so comfortable in a new country with a group of people who were strangers to me mere days before.  I will not soon forget the ease with which I was able to express my authentic self, and that is a phenomenon that I hope continues.  I realize, however, that for me to continue in unapologetic authenticity, I need to surround myself with people who have earned my trust.

If I can impart any wisdom after this experience, it's to leave your comfort zone.  I hadn't flown for 11 years before this trip, I had never flown overseas, I had some not-so-great feelings prior to embarking on this journey, and I had no clue how I was going to pay for it all!  None of those things stopped me, and I'm so proud of myself for pushing through and thankful to God for making everything possible!  As Will Smith stated "Everything you want is on the other side of fear."  I can attest that he's absolutely right!  Opening yourself up to other perspectives, learning how things are done elsewhere, seeing not only how your culture differs from another but the points at which it intersects, all of these things are so mind-blowing and eye-opening. I will NEVER forget this experience and I know that I'm a better person because of it.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the organization that facilitated our trip, EducoAfrica.  Not only are they a group of incredibly hard working and knowledgable individuals, they are wonderful people and I consider myself extremely blessed to be able to call them friends. 

For those of you who followed along, I hope you enjoyed my journey and I hope I inspired you to eventually have one of your own.  You won't regret it!

Until next time,

Camielle