...And Home Again

The sun has set on my trip and I'm home once again.  Transitioning to being home again has been difficult for a few reasons.  The first, most obviously, is that I had jet lag.  It took over a week for me to start to feel back to normal again, but at least I know for future trips what to expect.  The most difficult thing has been how quiet things have been since I've been back.  I went from being with people 24/7 for 17 days (counting the airports and traveling) to being with my mom first, and now alone with my dogs.  I'm thankful that I was with my mom until after Christmas, otherwise I think the transition would have been more difficult.  I've recognized that I'm a true extrovert; I get a great deal of energy and inspiration from being around people.  That doesn't mean I don't appreciate my alone time (on day 13 I was happy to spend the day sleeping and only seeing my roommate and one other friend), but for the most part I'm less energetic when I've been alone for long periods of time.  I also miss having people to talk to on a daily basis.  I enjoyed being able to explore a wide variety of topics  and different perspectives.  I've found myself checking my social media much more than usual and posting more than usual, and I realize that it's because I'm feeling a bit lonely now that it's just me.  At the same time, the solitude gives me a lot of time to think about what I've seen, what I've experienced, and what I'd like to do next, so I'm grateful for that.

I found community in South Africa in a way I never would have expected.  I went into this trip with a lot of trepidation about my classmates and our obvious differences, as well as a little concern about how my South African counterparts would perceive me.  With the trip now in the rearview, I can say that most of my concern was unfounded.  I enjoyed my classmates, even though we didn't initially all see eye-to-eye, but more than that, I found myself accepted and welcomed by my new South African friends as a family member.  I love how comfortable I felt around them, and the comfort levels seemed very much mutual.  I felt free to ask questions and have discussions, I began learning isiXhosa (very poorly at first, but I'm getting better), and I got to enjoy the vibe of a group of people with whom I share a great deal of common ground.  I simultaneously left a piece of myself in Cape Town, and found pieces of myself at the same time.  I will never be able to accurately describe the feeling of meeting myself on another continent, my music, my craft, my hobbies, and my community.  I'm a different person after this trip, a better, more vulnerable, and more inspired version of myself.  I've experienced beauty, sisterhood, and patience in new ways, and I've had my already open mind broadened even more.  I miss Cape Town every day, and I miss my friends/family there.  It hurts being away from people I love and have forged strong connections with, and I'm committed to returning as soon as possible.

I had freedom and vulnerability in South Africa that I rarely experience in the U.S.  Here I find I have to manage others' expectations and reactions to me, and doing so exhausts me so much that I tend to repress many of my emotions.  I rarely show fear, sadness, joy, or weakness/discomfort.  Being able to express a full range of emotions without being judged or questioned, and indeed receiving confirmation, validation, and support of my thoughts and feelings, is a major reason why I was able to feel so comfortable in a new country with a group of people who were strangers to me mere days before.  I will not soon forget the ease with which I was able to express my authentic self, and that is a phenomenon that I hope continues.  I realize, however, that for me to continue in unapologetic authenticity, I need to surround myself with people who have earned my trust.

If I can impart any wisdom after this experience, it's to leave your comfort zone.  I hadn't flown for 11 years before this trip, I had never flown overseas, I had some not-so-great feelings prior to embarking on this journey, and I had no clue how I was going to pay for it all!  None of those things stopped me, and I'm so proud of myself for pushing through and thankful to God for making everything possible!  As Will Smith stated "Everything you want is on the other side of fear."  I can attest that he's absolutely right!  Opening yourself up to other perspectives, learning how things are done elsewhere, seeing not only how your culture differs from another but the points at which it intersects, all of these things are so mind-blowing and eye-opening. I will NEVER forget this experience and I know that I'm a better person because of it.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the organization that facilitated our trip, EducoAfrica.  Not only are they a group of incredibly hard working and knowledgable individuals, they are wonderful people and I consider myself extremely blessed to be able to call them friends. 

For those of you who followed along, I hope you enjoyed my journey and I hope I inspired you to eventually have one of your own.  You won't regret it!

Until next time,

Camielle

Who Knew My Dream Job is in South Africa?

For three days, as a part of my trip, I had the opportunity to job shadow at a South African organization.  The organization I chose was Khulisa - Streetscapes, and it couldn't have been a more perfect location for me.












Streetscapes is an organization that helps chronically homeless adults by teaching them how to grow produce and providing them with a stipend.  Some of Streetscapes beneficiaries also clean the streets in front of buildings in the business district and empty the trash, services that the businesses pay Streetscapes for.  The proceeds from the street cleaning and the sale of vegetables not only go towards paying the beneficiaries, but they also enable the program to continue to run.  There are two gardens within Cape Town, as well as a farm about 20 minutes away in Kuils River.


The farm at Kuils River is a place where the beneficiaries who struggled with the Cape Town programs can go to have a better chance of success.  The current beneficiaries there, in addition to having experienced homelessness, also often experienced substance abuse.  Being away from their triggers and their suppliers assists them with their sobriety, although they experience occasional relapses like many who are in recovery from substance use.  Fortunately relapse does not automatically result in expulsion from the program, so as long as the beneficiaries are willing to receive treatment and follow treatment recommendations, they are able to continue being in the program and living and working on the farm.

A few of the beneficiaries were generous enough to allow me to photograph them and their hard work, and I had a wonderful conversation with a few of them where they told me their life stories and how they came to live at Kuils River.

I love the entire operating concept of Streetscapes.  I love that they help people who have often struggled with homelessness for years learn a skill that will help them earn money and find a less stigmatizing place in society.  The program isn't without its challenges, but I greatly enjoyed listening to the pride the beneficiaries showed in the work they're doing and the produce they are growing.

The main challenges with the Streetscapes beneficiaries are largely social.  Many of the beneficiaries have experienced homelessness for so long that their primary operating mode is survival.  They've spent many years doing whatever was necessary to make sure that their needs were met; as such, it is difficult for them to work and live with other people.  There are a lot of issues with jealousy, unnecessary competition, and general sniping at each other.  A lot of these issues are simply because the beneficiaries have only had to be concerned with themselves and their survival so they don't have a great deal of social skills or experience having to coexist and collaborate with others.

My fondest wish would be to work at Kuils River.  Even though I have a few months until I complete my MSW, all of my work experience makes me feel I could really be an asset to this organization.  I would love to be a live-in social worker on the farm, both because of my gardening experience and because I would love to teach coping and social skills groups and help the beneficiaries eventually move from survival mode into a more cooperative existence.  I think it would are such a unique opportunity to work with the beneficiaries to create policies and procedures for the farm as well as working rules.  I also would love to facilitate team-building exercises with the beneficiaries in hopes of eventually decreasing some of the interpersonal conflicts.  Unfortunately, working with Streetscapes is not straightforward or easy.  The unemployment rate in South Africa is very high, 27%, which means hiring a foreigner to do a job that a South African person could be doing is potentially impossible.  I haven't given up, I genuinely want to work with this program and I think I could learn a lot working with this population.  In addition I would love to learn more about the organizational structure of the program and whether it is a program I could potentially replicate here in the U.S.  It may take a miracle, but I'm hopeful that a way will be made for me to return to South Africa and work at Kuils River.

Spending three days with Streetscapes has inspired me so much!  It has been wonderful seeing that an organization is using gardening to combat homelessness.  It was truly seeing a dream in practice and I want so very much to learn more.  I'm thankful for Jesse and Babalwa, the director and supervisor of the programs, and getting to spend time in the wilderness with them and then more time during the job shadowing.  They were both an absolute pleasure to get to know, and I hope to see them again soon and work with them.

The trip is coming to a close much more quickly than I'd like.  I'm not ready to go yet!  Thankfully there are still a few more days, so I'm going to enjoy them!

Camielle

In the Wilderness

I climbed a mountain y'all!!





Ok, It's more accurate to say I HIKED a mountain.  No carabiners, ropes, or special shoes were necessary.  I CAN say I'm a camper now though, so there's that!

I, along with my classmates, South African social workers, facilitators, and guides, spent Thursday-Sunday in Groot Winterhoek Nature Reserve, about 3 hours outside of Cape Town.  We were not permitted to utilize our phones, so all of my pictures, for now, are the ones I took on the way up and on the way back.

I had some apprehension at first about the lack of technology, but not having our phones was so relaxing and my team "the Rocket Pockets" would not have grown as close as we did had we been able to use our phones, although there was no cell service out in the nature reserve anyway.



We began that first morning by doing a team building exercise before we left, designed to help us learn about the different characteristics we shared with each other. The exercise was fun and informative, and consisted of us standing in a circle and taking steps forward or back to measure our agreement with statements we were read by a facilitator.  Some statements were lighthearted, such as "I was taken to museums, plays, and art galleries growing up," while others were more serious, such as "I have lost a loved one."  It was very interesting to see who stepped forward, and sometimes how far into the circle they stepped (the closer to the center, the more closely the statement resonated with you), and it was equally as interesting to look around and see who hadn't stepped forward or had even stepped back in response to the statement.  We took two 16 passenger vans up to our base camp.  It was quite cramped in the vans, what a way to get to know people quickly!  The ride up was relatively quiet, as we had just met many of our South African counterparts that morning, but became somewhat more animated after a quick stop halfway through the road trip at a gas station for a snack and restroom break, and even more so after we stopped to have lunch under a tree near a winery.



(Base Camp)

When we got up to the base camp, we did more team building exercises and packed our clothing and supplies into our hiking back packs.  We also went over how to use our cooking equipment, some basics about going to the toilet in the wilderness and how to properly pack out our waste, and how to set up our sleeping stations.  We stayed up at the base camp longer than we would have otherwise, because it was HOT!  I had noticed during the ride (after falling asleep and waking back up) that the van felt like an oven, and being up in the mountains seemed hotter somehow, maybe because we were closer to the sun, lol.  We broke into two groups and set off for our camping spots around sun down.  What started off as a trail through plains quickly turned into actual rock climbing, but going down instead of up.  The first thing I learned in the wilderness is how important it is to be able to trust your team, as well as yourself.  There were a few experienced hikers and rock climbers in my group, and they were instrumental in our whole group getting down the rocks, often pointing out the best places to put our feet and passing back information about hazards in the trail (like baboon scat).  It's amazing how quickly the sun sets, and we quickly found ourselves in the dark and needing to use our headlamps to continue.  The hike to our camp was long, we were tired, cranky, and hungry, and yet there was a lot of laughter and conversation.

When we finally made it, we were instructed not to lay out our sleeping bags because of creepy crawlies, and told to begin preparing dinner.  I was incredibly cranky, and I did quite a bit of processing that first night about what it means for me when what I refer to as my basic needs thermometer (food, water, shelter, sleep) is low.  I was so grumpy and tired, and I didn't want to eat at all, I just wanted to sleep.  Others in the group felt the same way, but there were people who made an effort to start the pocket rockets and try to put a meal together.  After I sat, and quite frankly pouted for a while, I considered that I am a good cook and I didn't want my cooking team to be hungry or have to eat poorly cooked food because I was being a grump.  I apologized to my team and set about preparing our meal.  I never expected to eat pasta out in the middle of nowhere, but it came out better than expected, with lots of fresh veggies in the pasta sauce (and seasonings, thank goodness), and we all felt better after we ate.

That first night, sleeping under the stars (sleeping bags, mats, and tarps, but no tents, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night to relieve myself.  After the fun task of weaving my way through my camping team with the aid of a flashlight, walking through the brush, much of which was scratchy and spiny, and then making my way back to my sleeping bag, I had the pleasure of realizing that the moon had gone down, leaving millions of stars visible; in fact, the Milky Way was perfectly visible, as was the Southern Cross constellation.  I saw two shooting stars that night!  I'm not sure I ever fell asleep with a smile on my face before, but I did that night, and I remember feeling incredibly content as I drifted off.

The next two days were filled with quite a bit of solo time, during which we were encouraged to journal.  What I realized as I journaled, was that while I have a good life, it doesn't necessarily reflect the life I want.  I love to create, to pour myself into things that I make to express myself.  Cooking, crocheting, gardening, music, these are all avenues by which I find myself best expressed, and all of these thing bring me a great amount of joy.  In my desire to do what is expected of me, to work the jobs, to make the money to have the things, I've strayed far away from a life that I believe could be more meaningful and less full of stuff.  I want a life filled with friends, family, laughter, fresh fruits and vegetables grown by my own hands, handmade art, traveling, and nature.  I want experiences, and I much prefer experiences to things.  We also journaled using a prompt called the Circle of Courage which has four quadrants, Belonging, Mastery, Independence, and Generosity.  I had a chance to ruminate on these four areas, and how they resonate with me.  Of the four areas, I realize that I have been, in many instances, too generous.  I love to help, it's the main reason why I'm a social worker, but I had a chance to come to terms with the fact that I often freely give my time and energy to people who have never reciprocated.  I don't believe that every moment must be reciprocal, but it was a breakthrough for me to accept that there are many whom I have supported over the years who have never supported me.  It was a great reminder that I need to be as generous with myself as I've been with others.  There were also many opportunities to have group conversations, and to discuss the similarities and differences in American and South African politics and lifestyles.

Hiking out of our camp was both emotionally and physically difficult.  None of us wanted to leave our camp, it was so serene and peaceful, and none of us looked forward to going back to our technology-centered lives.  In addition, going back was very hot and difficult as we were climbing up hill.  I found the hike out especially difficult because I was dehydrated, so much so that I cramped midway up the large rocks we had to pass through to get to base camp.  I attempted, foolishly, to push through as my left inner thigh was cramping, but when my left calf cramped at the same time, it was so painful I began to cry.  One of our guides was behind me to help me back down, and I was embarrassed and felt very weak that I had to sit down and rest, and especially embarrassed because the guide that helped me was an attractive man.  I had some thoughts about that later that I'm still attempting to process, but I recognize that feeling/appearing weak or even just being in need of help in front of men, is a feeling I really dislike, and I imagine I've done a great deal throughout my life to avoid feeling that way.


We eventually made it back to base camp where we unloaded our packs, showered (YES!!) and had an opportunity to make very cool beaded bracelets symbolizing the circle of courage.  We also had a wonderful meal before turning in for the night.

I never thought, prior to this trip, that I would ever feel sad after spending 2 nights with no shelter, in the heat of the day, finding rocks to hide behind to use the bathroom, and bathing with wet wipes, but I didn't want to leave and I miss it terribly, we all do.  There were many conversations about wanting to come back for a longer trip, maybe 5 nights in the wilderness instead of just 2.  My mind has never been more at peace, and it was just so nice to to have no external distractions other than the occasional buzzing of an insect.  The peace and the absence of time were so impactful, and I yearn for the opportunity to experience it again.  I've felt myself change a little bit each day I've been in Africa, but after being in the wilderness I know I'll never be the same.

Back to reality!
Camielle

Day 2: Today I Sat in a Jail Cell

Today's excursion was to Robben Island.  Robben Island has historically been used as both an asylum for mental ill, a quarantine of sorts for lepers, and a prison, and most people know it as the place where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned, although it is just one of the locations where Mandela was held during his 27 years of imprisonment.



(The ferry we took to Robben Island)





The initial portion of the tour was a bus tour that took us around to tell us about different locations on the island.


(The Motoru Kramat, built to commemorate Sayed Abdurahman Motoru, Prince of Madura, who was exiled to the island in the mid-1740s and died in 1754.  The Kramat is considered a sacred site of pilgrimage for Muslims.)





(Limestone (Quarry where prisoners were forced to break and carry rocks.  Prisoners were not provided with eye or mouth protection and typically suffered eye and lung problems as a result of the time they spend in the quarry.)

(This rock pile was started by Nelson Mandela during a return trip to Robben Island following his release.  Additional former political prisoners added rocks to the pile, and they all made a promise to return each year and add to the pile.  The last year rocks were added to the pile was 1995.)

There are numerous photo opportunities around Cape Town, an acknowledgment to the numerous tourists that frequent the city.  Following the bus tour, and before the walking tour started, we stopped to take a photo as a class.





(Entrance to the prison complex)

I wasn't entirely sure how well I would handle this portion of the trip, although I was initially excited to visit the island, which is now a museum and historical site.   One of the things that I processed fully on the ferry ride to the island is how much I value freedom; the ability to do what I want and go where I choose as I see fit.  For this reason, even visiting jails as a part of my various jobs has been something I have actively avoided and felt a fair amount of trepidation about when I had no choice but to go.

Our tour guide for the walking portion of the tour was Derrick Basson, a former political prisoner who served 5 years at Robben Island before being released. Mr. Basson works as at tour guide at Robben Island because jobs were very scarce upon his release and also because he wants to ensure that the stories of the political prisoners continue to be told.   As you walk into the prison complex, there is a large photo of the last political prisoners released from Robben Island.





Inside this cell block, there were numerous posters with information about the prison and prisoners during Apartheid.








(Black prisoners [negatively referred to as Bantus] were fed very differently from Colored [non-Black but also non-white prisoners] and essentially malnourished by the prison administration.  Contrary to intentions to further isolate and ostracize Black prisoners and make them jealous of Colored prisoners, Colored prisoners often shared their food with Black prisoners because they realized the administration was trying to build a wedge between them.)



We walked into a large communal jail cell where Mr. Basson spoke with us for about 30 minutes about the realities of imprisonment during Apartheid.  It took me a few minutes to realize that were were in the cell with the door closed, and it took a bit of internal work on my part not to panic.  It was very surreal being in the cell, even though it was a relatively large one, and realizing that the door was closed and every window was barred.  What brought down my anxiety was the recognition that while I would likely be sitting in the cell for 20-30 minutes, men like Mr. Basson had been in these cells for years, sometimes decades.  It was a sobering thought, but it helped me refocus on the topic at hand.








As we walked to the cell block that contained the individual cells, Mr. Basson spoke to me individually, because he wanted to read my shirt.  He had questions about who the people were who were listed on my shirt, so I named them for him and explained who they were.  He told me that he was able to go the the Civil Rights museum in Birmingham, Alabama as a representative of Robben Island museum, so he knew who Coretta (Scott King), Rosa (Parks), and Maya (Angelou) were.  It was a cool moment for me and one of many moments that created a connection between me and the South African people.



We walked through the cell block were Nelson Mandela was held, and I got to take a picture next to the cell.  I was struck by how small the cells were, and we had been told during the bus tour that the dog kennels on the island are larger than the cells the prisoners were held in.  Seeing the cells firsthand really put that into perspective and I got very emotional thinking about the ways in which humans oppress other humans, and more specifically, the way Black people, throughout the diaspora have been oppressed by white people.


I managed to hold it together while we were in the tour group in the jail, but once we dispersed at the end I sat on a rock and just cried.  Human suffering hurts me to my core, and being at Robben Island really drove home for me how similar the Black South African experience is, historically and currently, to the Black American experience.  I made a statement on day one of the trip that I wanted to understand how South Africans keep going, how they get out of be in the morning having had the experiences they have, and today was the moment that I realized they do it the same way we do here in the states.  It's painful to realize what we've been through as a people, but I appreciate the resilience and the optimism that we show every day that we keep moving forward in spite of oppression, racism, poverty, police brutality, etc.

I am thankful that the organizers of our trip, EducoAfrica, decided to follow up the Robben Island visit with our first trip to the Langa Township and Guga S'Thebe, the community cultural center there.  I desperately needed something lighthearted and fun to balance the seriousness and heaviness of Robben Island.  As the saying goes, "Music has charms to soothe the savage breast," and as a life-long musician, the drum circle we participated in was just the charm I needed!

My classmates and I played Djembe drums and xylophones, and learned multiple rhythms as well as songs in isiXhosa, one of the native languages of Black South Africans (those who don't speak isiXhosa as their first language speak isiZulu).

I started playing the xylophone and the drums in 4th grade when I was 9, and I'll admit that I never considered that the instruments I played throughout school had cultural significance and relevance for me.  It was very emotional for me to have that lightbulb go on as I sat in this drum circle, and was yet another connection for me.

I found myself completely restored after spending time at Guga S'Thebe, and I also found my pockets a bit lighter after purchasing ceramics handmade by the youth who take classes at the center and art and jewelry from local artisans there.

This second day in Africa has been an emotional one, with very strong positive and negative emotions.  I'm thankful to be in a place where I feel comfortable enough to feel and express my emotions, instead of feeling compelled to suppress them.  I got to feel the catharsis of crying, laughing, singing, drumming, all of the ways that throughout my life I have expressed myself.  It's nice to be able to feel strongly and emote strongly, and to feel peace during and after the expression of those emotions.  Today was a great day!

Camielle

Day 1: Real Tears

I think we, as Americans, often rely too heavily on skewed media portrayals to inform us about other countries.  Make no mistake, Cape Town is a big city!  The buildings aren't quite as dense as New York or Chicago, but it is bustling!  It's amazing being able to stand in a spot and see ocean, cityscape, and mountains at the same time, and it's something I've never experienced before. It was also very cool to eat breakfast while viewing Table Mountain overhead and watching the clouds literally pour off the side of the mountain like a waterfall.


Needless to say, after quite the whirlwind traveling experience, my first full day in Cape Town was AMAZING.  We started the day with breakfast at the hostel (The Backpack) followed by a trip to the Zeitz Museum of Contemporary Art Africa.  It was fun to realize that I’m at a point in my life where I can actually understand art installations and ascribe meaning to them, instead of just looking at the work and walking away.  We saw a great exhibit by William Kendrige and his pieces were so powerful.  He is a white man, but his anger and distaste for how whites people have treated South Africa and her people was incredibly evident in his work.  It was really refreshing to see such a raw, honest, depiction from a white man instead of the often repudiative attitudes I’m used to hearing and seeing in the U.S.

After the museum and lunch, we traveled to the Rhodes Memorial site.  I have debated about sharing my photos because of what they represent, but I’ve decided to do so to provide context.

Cecil Rhodes was a businessman who made his fortune from diamonds, one of South Africa's most prized natural resources.  In fact, he founded the De Beers corporation, which you've likely heard of, and probably remember their diamond commercials, especially around the holidays.  He was also a philanthropist who donate money that was meant to provide South Africans with education, but Black South Africans didn't benefit from that education at the time, and they continue to struggle to reap the same educational benefits as their White counterparts.  If you've heard of Rhodes Scholars, this is the person those scholarships were named after.  There is a movement in South Africa, "Rhodes Must Fall," which is about students, especially Black South African students, protesting the institutionalized educational racism in South Africa.  Statues of Cecil Rhodes around the city, including the one above, have been vandalized; at least one, at The University of Cape Town was finally removed.




There was an excellent discussion with the Educo Facilitators about the difficulties Black and Colored South Africans face when trying to attend school, especially if they do not receive a scholarship.  Student loans aren't a thing in South Africa, so there is a lot of anxiety around getting to attend university and whether a benefactor will be available to defray the cost.  While I acknowledge the many ways in which I have been privileged in my life, despite being a Black woman, I wasn't aware of how difficult just achieving a degree could be in South Africa, and I appreciated the opportunity to really reexamine the levels of privilege that I wasn't aware I have.


We ended the evening with a discussion with two Child and Youth Workers, AJ and Christine.  We learned that in South Africa, a person is considered a youth until age 35, and that this is very much a remnant of Apartheid and the way it oppressed Black and Colored South Africans.  The unemployment rate in South Africa is 27%, so many people, especially young people experience difficulty finding and maintaining employment.  South African families are communal, with multiple generations of one family often living together.  The Youth and Child welfare system, similar to the US, is incredibly overtaxed, with drastically overworked workers and caseloads that would make even the most seasoned US CPS worker feel faint.  There are many street children in South Africa, and the system is not set up in a way such as to provide long-term or long-lasting assistance.  There also are few resources for youth between 18-35, leaving a gaping hole in services for young adults.

This day was a whirlwind, and I'm in awe of the ways in which my mind has been opened and I've been able to consider to many things that I simply did not know before.  I'll never stop being grateful for this opportunity, and I look forward to the many experiences yet to come!

Camielle